Saying Goodbye

I have wanted to write a reflection blog since I got home, but I have not had a clue where to begin.  However, today I was asked a question that I think will help me write this.  Today we had a church picnic at Beaver Lake.  During this, Pastor asked us what moment God felt the most real to us (besides a death or birth).  My answer came to me immediately, but it surprised me as it was not something I had really reflected on. 

This moment happened for me my first Sunday in Haiti.  I was feeling a little discouraged because I had been there for a couple of days, and I had not really seen any familiar faces.  I was sitting in church and my eyes met the eyes of a little boy.  The little boy I had fallen in love with three years prior.  The little boy I had thought continuously about.  The little boy who changed my perspective on life.  The little boy who I wondered if I would ever see again.  I saw the realness of God in James’s smile (and my own) when our eyes met, and we realized we were together again.

This summer I saw James almost everyday.  I quickly became friends with his brother Niason, and towards the end of my trip I became friends with another brother Richie.  I have talked a lot about how much spending time with them meant to me, however, I do not think I realized the full extent of this until I had to leave.  I can easily say that leaving those two little boys behind was the hardest thing for me.  My last night there I found Niason and Josiah (the executive director’s son who I also fell in love with) and went to tell them goodbye.  I held it together and all was good until I went to walk away.  I had gotten maybe fifteen feet away, and both boys ran to me and buried their heads into my side crying.  I sat down on the ground and just cried with them.  In the middle of this, Niason slipped a bracelet off his wrist and onto mine.  I still wear it not just as a reminder of Haiti, but also as a reminder of the love I felt there and the friendships I made.  The three of us finally collected ourselves, but I still had to say goodbye to James.  I found him and said goodbye.  The tears that began rolling down his cheeks absolutely broke my heart.  As I sat there just holding him, I realized how much he truly meant to me.  I love this little boy with my whole heart, and nothing will ever change that.  While I am thankful that I was able to see how much I also meant to him, it made it that much harder to leave. I know I was not much of a comfort as I was bawling myself.  However, I needed him to hug me just as much as he needed me to hug him.

Not a day goes by where I do not wish I was back with these boys.  However, I rest in the peace of knowing that God is in control.  I know in my heart that I will be with them again.  It may not be as soon as I would like, but God’s timing is best.  He has more in store for me in Haiti, and I cannot wait to see what else He has planned.  I have learned so much and been changed in so many ways this summer.  However, I think the most impactful way is finally realizing that God truly does have it under control.  He makes the plan, and I merely need to follow it.  Right now He has shown me that His plan includes Haiti, and that is what I will continue working towards. 

Thank you so much for your support, prayers, and encouragement this summer.  I cannot describe how much you all have meant to me during this journey.  I do not think that I could have done it without you.  

My Last Day

Well I've been putting off blogging. I keep telling myself I don't want to spend the time on it, however, truthfully I just want to stay in denial about leaving. Today is my last day in Haiti. How crazy is that? I feel like I got off the plane yesterday. This has easily been the best summer of my life. I have changed, grown, and most importantly increased my relationship with Christ. I am so very thankful for this opportunity. 

This week has been full of "lasts."  My last time going to Bonneau, my last time going to the market, my last time going to Ansefalour, my last Bible Study. This has definitely given me a different perspective on things. I have felt like I have needed to cherish each moment even more. Thankfully, God has given me many moments to cherish. I have been able to spend a lot of time loving on and being loved be my friends outside the mission and inside the mission. I am going to miss my boys outside, James and Niason, the Miriam Center kids, and so many more. Yesterday I was able to revisit the baby in Ansefalour. The baby has been sick, so I was able to pray with him and his mom. I was so glad I got to see them again! 

My real story, and the thing that got me to blog, is the boys Bible study. Tuesday, one of the group members lead a great Bible study where the boys were able to talk about their hopes and dreams. It was so cool to hear what they want to do and to realize they have dreams just like everyone else. Well yesterday I was able to lead Bible study. I shared my testimony with the boys about how going to church and loving God isn't what will get you to Heaven. I shared about having to have the specific moment where you ask God to come into your heart. After I shared my story, I asked if anyone hadn't had that moment but wanted to. My friend Kiki raised his hand. It was such and honor and blessing to be able to walk him through the Romans Road and pray with him. I am so incredibly excited, and I know the angels are rejoicing with me! 

Well I am off to spend my last day in Haiti. It is incredibly bittersweet, but I am looking forward to seeing what incredible things God has in store for today!

The Little Things

Today I received a note that meant something indescribable to me.  The note said:

"From: Jims To: Torey I love you Torey.  Today give me a big hug.  If you dont give me a big hug than you will be in big truble.  Frend for life.  Win are you going to go home.  I love you Torey so much.  You were sick and you dint tell me.  I pray for you.  You pray for me.  Bey bey."


This note is from James, or Jims, my very first Haitian friend.  It seems like just yesterday that I was getting off the bus from Ansefalour, and I saw him for the first time.  Being able to continue my relationship with him has been the biggest blessing this summer.  I cannot believe how much he has grown up these past three years.  This note meant the world to me because it showed me that I meant as much to him, as he means to me.  This little note written on a ripped up paper with crayon is the greatest treasure I will take home from Haiti with me.

Early Monday morning the groups left.  They took with them half of our interns.  It seems so quiet here without the groups, and it also feels like a piece of us is missing without the interns.  I already miss them like crazy, but I am so thankful I was able to spend the summer with them.

Today was such a fun day for the interns that are left.  Melonnie (the travel coordinator) told us about a hike she wanted us to go on.  She told us it was going to be super easy, more like a walk.  We went, and it was beautiful.  However, we spent the whole time walking on mud and wet rocks which were extremely slippery.  Melonnie was the first one to wipe out, and it all went downhill from there.  Kelly wiped out next and landed on a thorn bus.  Caitlin asked her if she had thorns in her butt, and we all cracked up deeming that as something you only ask in Haiti.  At one point, we were on a really steep part.  Morgan started sliding down and yelled "nooo, I didn't want to fall!!" On the same slope, I started sliding which made Caitlin slide.  Instead of being a gentleman and helping, Spencer moved out of the way.  I am pretty sure everyone fell, slipped, or tripped multiple times throughout the trip.  I also fell once we were back on the main road.  The Haitians thought it was hilarious, and one girl followed me announcing I was the girl who just fell.  I truly do not think that I have ever laughed as hard as I did today.  When we got back, we were able to eat a delicious meal at a restaurant about forty minutes away.  The food was amazing, but the company was even better.  I am so thankful for this group of people that have become my family.

I cannot believe I only have ten days left in Haiti.  It seems so crazy to me that my time is coming to an end.  I feel like I just got here to start my summer.  Today I was reminded of the greatest of God in all the little things.  From a note, to laughter, to yummy food, to silly songs, to beautiful sunsets, to passing a revival on the way home.. God is in everything.  This country, full of evil and darkness, is even more full with the greatness of the one and true God, and oh how He loves us.  My challenge for you is to seek Him in the little things.

Restore Retreat

Well my mother informed me it was time to blog, so here I am. This week has been crazy but so much fun! This group is called the "Restore Retreat" so it has been like a conference on top of a mission trip. I have really enjoyed the times of worship, prayer, and fellowship. 

Apart from the devotion times, we have also been going out to different sites. The other day we went to Ansefalour. I was able to return to the house that had the new baby. The baby was doing great, as was the mother. It meant a lot to me to be able to continue the relationship with them. I felt like it helped them understand that we really do care about them. We are not going to meet them once and forget about them. 

My group was originally supposed to go to La Baie, which is my favorite campus. They then decided to go to the Beauchamp campus. I can't lie, I was pretty upset because I was really looking forward to going to La Baie. However, it ended up a couple of other interns were already going to Beauchamp, and they took my group. I was able to tag along with another group going to La Baie. I had so much fun there. We were able to eat lunch in different families from the community's houses. It was an amazing opportunity to experience more of true Haitian culture. At La Baie campus, there are fourteen orphans. I had already fallen in love with Kenny, when he was at the baby orphanage in Saint Louis. By the time we left today, I was in love with all fourteen. They were the sweetest kids ever, and they had the biggest personalities. They were so excited to show us how they could count to ten in English. You could clearly see how much they craved for attention, and I'm so thankful I was able to go love on them. We took them to the playground that the church helped build, and seeing their faces light up was something indescribable. 

My time is quickly coming to an end. As much as I miss my family, I am not ready to leave at all. These people have given me such a different appreciation on life in general. I am going to miss this place so very much. uch a different appreciation on life in general. I am going to miss this place so very much.

The Blessings of Typhoid

Well I figured it's past time to blog again. I feel like I don't have anything to blog about though. The day my mom left, I woke up with horrible stomach cramps. I had them all day, but I didn't think much about it. I went to bed early and woke up around 10pm. I felt like I had no energy whatsoever. I didn't even feel like I could keep my eyes open. Someone got Lisa for me, and she took me down to our urgent treatment clinic. The nurses put an iv in me and gave me some Motrin. They put me in a room to sleep and a couple hours later the fever started. I was lying awake in this unairconditioned room with an iv, and I was scared to death. I had no idea what was going on, or why I felt so bad. I reached a level of having to rely on God that I have never reached before. The next morning they took my blood and discovered I had typhoid and anemia. 

In all honesty, I couldn't have gotten sick at a better time. We have been on a break, so we had no groups here on campus.  At first, I was bummed about being left on campus while the other interns went out to do things, but it has been a blessing in disguise. I have been able to connect with some of the staff members here, and I would not have had that opportunity if I had not been sick. I was also able to rest and recover from the craziness of the last group. 

While I am thankful for the chance to rest, I was beyond excited to finally get off campus the other day. We went to Ansefalour and went to some of the different voodoo sights. We went to the place where the rainbow serpent lives. We also went into the house of spirits, or what I would call a big bat cave. It amazes me how people can put their faith in things that seem so bizarre to me. I am glad we went because I feel like it is important to understand the spiritual warfare we are up against. It is eyeopening to be in a country where spiritual warfare is so prevalent. I know we have it at home, but it is not as blatantly obvious as it is here. 

Throughout the summer, the interns have been participating in survivor. We have two different teams and have been doing challenges all summer. Yesterday, we had two challenges. The first was we drew a number and were given that number plate. We had to eat whatever was on our plate, and the first team done won. My team lucked out, and our plates were a sandwich, cookies, and cheese. The other team had spam, fish, and Cheetos. Of course, my team won! The second challenge was super gross. We had to partner up with someone from the other team. We had a tube with a raw egg in the middle. We had to blow the end of the tube until someone got egg sprayed on them. I argued the fact my lung capacity was down from being sick, but I still had to compete. I lost, but I ended up spraying my opponent (Spencer) with the raw egg. Even though I lost, he was one with egg all over his clothes. It made losing worth it! While the challenges are sometimes gross, they have been a lot of fun and allowed the interns to bond together. 

We have a couple more days before the next group gets here. I am looking forward to spending time with the interns and staff, but I am really excited for the next group to get here! I am sad that I only have two groups left this summer, but I am excited to pour out into them. I ask for your prayers for the health of all the interns and staff as our summers are wrapping up. Thank you for all the encouraging notes I have gotten this last week. They have definitely made being sick a little easier!

The Trials of Heartbreak

Today I am blogging with a heavy heart. I feel like this past week has been a week full of trials and heartbreak. I cannot tell you if I have been surrounded by more heartbreak than usual, or if I have just been more attuned to it.  This week I have been blessed and honored to serve along side my mom, Mrs. Tolliver, and Cameron. They did some amazing things while they were here.

 On Saturday, we headed to a little town called Berger to do a medical clinic. My mom, Mrs. Tolliver, a nursing student, and another doctor saw close to 300 patients. Cameron and I were the "pill pushers" and traffic directors. I had such an incredible time watching my mother work. However, the thing I enjoyed the most was being able to use my little Creole to communicate with the patients coming in. It broke my heart though when I asked a little girl where her mom was, and she said she didn't have a mom. I don't know why that impacted me the way it did, but I know I will never forget the sadness in that little girl's eyes. 

On Monday we went to Ansefalour. We hiked up to the monument, walked through the base of the voodoo temple, and spent some amazing time in prayer for the city and the people. After lunch, we split up into two groups. Half of the group went to the beach to do a VBS, and half of the group went to do medical hut to huts. God led us to a house where a lady had had a baby five hours prior to us coming. My mother was able to examine the baby and tell the new mother what a beautiful healthy little girl she had. One of the last houses we stopped at had a woman who told us her husband was in the Port-de-Paix prison. The majority of the group had been to the prison ministering and helping medically just a couple days before. The woman had such a look of relief wash over her face when they told her that. For me, the instant connection that was made was such a God thing. There is no way of telling if they came in contact with her husband, but I am sure it was a relief to the woman to know that people also cared about her husband. 

Yesterday is the day that really got to my heart. Most of you know about the relationship my father has with the boy named Kenzie. It has been amazing this week to watch my mom also be able to connect with him. Yesterday Kenzie took us to his house to meet his mother. Kenzie is the youngest of five boys, and his father died a little before we came on our first trip. Kenzie now lives alone with his mother. Kenzie's mother showed us the tumor growing in her throat. Currently, it is not blocking her airway, but it will not take long. She met with an American surgery team at the mission, but they told her they could not help her. She is in a lot of pain. My heart broke. It just does not seem fair to me. Kenzie is such a good kid, and he's already been through enough losing one parent.  What is going to happen to him when he also loses his mom? I'm not really sure how to express how I feel about this, but I do ask for prayers for both Kenzie's family and my own as we are trying to figure out the best way to help, if we can at all.

Six Weeks

Six weeks ago today, I was sitting in the airport about to embark on a journey that would forever change my life. I was extremely excited but nervous beyond belief. In six short weeks, this country has become my home. The people, the interns, the missionaries have become my family. These six weeks have not always been easy, but they have been the most rewarding six weeks of my life. I have learned so much about myself, my Savior, and about His calling for my life.

As today marked six weeks, I did a lot of reflecting. I spent a lot of time with the boys outside. The boys that typically drive everyone crazy, including myself sometimes. I was able to talk to them, and a couple of them opened up about their lives. The fact that I have been able to build relationships like that with these boys, makes every challenging thing from these six weeks worth it. 

This week my mom brought me notes from a lot of the kids at church. She also brought me notes from my nursery babies. I miss them like crazy, but today I realized how much I am going to miss my kids here when I leave. It made me think of the Haitian proverb "timoun ki kriye nan kay ak sa ki kriye nan pot se menm.". This translates to "the child who cries in the house and the one who cries at the door are the same." It is easy to see the differences, but truly there are similarities between my nursery babies and the kids here. They all want love, they all have a Father who loves very much, and they all mean the world to me. 

I'm sure everyone is very interested in how things are going with my mother, Mrs. Tolliver, and Cameron here. I love that they are here. It is so cool to watch them find their niche but also watch them step out of their comfort zone. Cameron has fallen in live with the Miriam Center, Mom has seen more patients than I can count, and Mrs. Tolliver has sewn up more wounds and cuts than I would care to see in a lifetime.  I love being able to share a piece of my home with them. When they got here, I was so excited to show them everything. I was excited for them to meet my friends, and I was excited to watch them fall in love. All of these women have supported me the whole time, but I think now they truly realize why I am here. 

I can't believe six weeks have already gone by. I have five short weeks left, and I am starting to feel like eleven weeks was nowhere near long enough. Here the days feel like weeks, but the weeks feel like days. God has really challenged me today to take advantage of these next five weeks. I do not want to go home with any regrets. I am excited to see how He is going to use me, and I am excited to share that with my mom, Mrs. Tolliver, and Cameron this week. Please pray for them as they are being stretched to their max. I can't wait to see how God is going to change them.