Saying Goodbye

I have wanted to write a reflection blog since I got home, but I have not had a clue where to begin.  However, today I was asked a question that I think will help me write this.  Today we had a church picnic at Beaver Lake.  During this, Pastor asked us what moment God felt the most real to us (besides a death or birth).  My answer came to me immediately, but it surprised me as it was not something I had really reflected on. 

This moment happened for me my first Sunday in Haiti.  I was feeling a little discouraged because I had been there for a couple of days, and I had not really seen any familiar faces.  I was sitting in church and my eyes met the eyes of a little boy.  The little boy I had fallen in love with three years prior.  The little boy I had thought continuously about.  The little boy who changed my perspective on life.  The little boy who I wondered if I would ever see again.  I saw the realness of God in James’s smile (and my own) when our eyes met, and we realized we were together again.

This summer I saw James almost everyday.  I quickly became friends with his brother Niason, and towards the end of my trip I became friends with another brother Richie.  I have talked a lot about how much spending time with them meant to me, however, I do not think I realized the full extent of this until I had to leave.  I can easily say that leaving those two little boys behind was the hardest thing for me.  My last night there I found Niason and Josiah (the executive director’s son who I also fell in love with) and went to tell them goodbye.  I held it together and all was good until I went to walk away.  I had gotten maybe fifteen feet away, and both boys ran to me and buried their heads into my side crying.  I sat down on the ground and just cried with them.  In the middle of this, Niason slipped a bracelet off his wrist and onto mine.  I still wear it not just as a reminder of Haiti, but also as a reminder of the love I felt there and the friendships I made.  The three of us finally collected ourselves, but I still had to say goodbye to James.  I found him and said goodbye.  The tears that began rolling down his cheeks absolutely broke my heart.  As I sat there just holding him, I realized how much he truly meant to me.  I love this little boy with my whole heart, and nothing will ever change that.  While I am thankful that I was able to see how much I also meant to him, it made it that much harder to leave. I know I was not much of a comfort as I was bawling myself.  However, I needed him to hug me just as much as he needed me to hug him.

Not a day goes by where I do not wish I was back with these boys.  However, I rest in the peace of knowing that God is in control.  I know in my heart that I will be with them again.  It may not be as soon as I would like, but God’s timing is best.  He has more in store for me in Haiti, and I cannot wait to see what else He has planned.  I have learned so much and been changed in so many ways this summer.  However, I think the most impactful way is finally realizing that God truly does have it under control.  He makes the plan, and I merely need to follow it.  Right now He has shown me that His plan includes Haiti, and that is what I will continue working towards. 

Thank you so much for your support, prayers, and encouragement this summer.  I cannot describe how much you all have meant to me during this journey.  I do not think that I could have done it without you.