I have wanted to write a reflection blog since I got home,
but I have not had a clue where to begin.
However, today I was asked a question that I think will help me write
this. Today we had a church picnic at
Beaver Lake. During this, Pastor asked
us what moment God felt the most real to us (besides a death or birth). My answer came to me immediately, but it
surprised me as it was not something I had really reflected on.
This moment happened for me my first Sunday in Haiti. I was feeling a little discouraged because I
had been there for a couple of days, and I had not really seen any familiar
faces. I was sitting in church and my
eyes met the eyes of a little boy. The
little boy I had fallen in love with three years prior. The little boy I had thought continuously
about. The little boy who changed my
perspective on life. The little boy who
I wondered if I would ever see again. I
saw the realness of God in James’s smile (and my own) when our eyes met, and we
realized we were together again.
This summer I saw James almost everyday. I quickly became friends with his brother
Niason, and towards the end of my trip I became friends with another brother
Richie. I have talked a lot about how
much spending time with them meant to me, however, I do not think I realized
the full extent of this until I had to leave.
I can easily say that leaving those two little boys behind was the
hardest thing for me. My last night
there I found Niason and Josiah (the executive director’s son who I also fell
in love with) and went to tell them goodbye.
I held it together and all was good until I went to walk away. I had gotten maybe fifteen feet away, and
both boys ran to me and buried their heads into my side crying. I sat down on the ground and just cried with
them. In the middle of this, Niason
slipped a bracelet off his wrist and onto mine.
I still wear it not just as a reminder of Haiti, but also as a reminder
of the love I felt there and the friendships I made. The three of us finally collected ourselves,
but I still had to say goodbye to James.
I found him and said goodbye. The
tears that began rolling down his cheeks absolutely broke my heart. As I sat there just holding him, I realized
how much he truly meant to me. I love
this little boy with my whole heart, and nothing will ever change that. While I am thankful that I was able to see
how much I also meant to him, it made it that much harder to leave. I know I was
not much of a comfort as I was bawling myself.
However, I needed him to hug me just as much as he needed me to hug him.
Not a day goes by where I do not wish I was back with these
boys. However, I rest in the peace of
knowing that God is in control. I know
in my heart that I will be with them again.
It may not be as soon as I would like, but God’s timing is best. He has more in store for me in Haiti, and I cannot
wait to see what else He has planned. I
have learned so much and been changed in so many ways this summer. However, I think the most impactful way is
finally realizing that God truly does have it under control. He makes the plan, and I merely need to
follow it. Right now He has shown me
that His plan includes Haiti, and that is what I will continue working
towards.
Thank you so much for your support, prayers, and
encouragement this summer. I cannot describe
how much you all have meant to me during this journey. I do not think that I could have done it
without you.