Lessons Learned: The Good, The Bad, and The Funny

Sometimes when I think about my life now all I can do is laugh.  It is so different than anything I could have imagined.  It is even different than what I imagined when I knew I was moving here.  Some of the differences are good, like I would have never imagined having Wadley in my life.  Some of the differences are hard, like seeing the reality of the health situation first hand.  Some of the differences are just funny.  I never would have imagined myself so excited about hosting a campus de-worming day.  I never would have imagined myself bucketing water to my house so I could bathe.  I never would have imagined myself attempting to organize a depot that seems to be filled with rats and spiders.  I never would have imagined myself a constant home of choice for ringworm. 

I am so thankful for the good differences and how they are impacting my life personally.  The funny differences I both hate and love.  However, I am thankful for the opportunity to learn how to adjust to things that might not exactly be what I had in mind.  While God is teaching me both about myself and the world through all of the differences, it is the hard differences that have stood out to me this week.  He has been teaching me that I don’t always have to know what to say or what to do.  I’m not expected to know what to say when someone shares with me about a recent rape, or when a child dies, or when everything in the world seems to be going wrong for a family.  That’s not my job.  My job is to listen to the Holy Spirit as He communicates what God wants me to say in the situation.  Romans 8 promises that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  So often I am weak.  I don’t know what to do or what to say; but in those moments, God becomes our strength. 

I love so many parts of this country; but at the same time, I hate so many parts of this country.  It isn’t the heat or the lack of conveniences that I hate.  It is the injustice, the corruption, the abuse that I hate.  It is the fact that children and adults are dying of curable diseases that I hate.  It is the fear that voodoo holds over the entire population (Christian and non-Christian) that I hate.  It is the darkness of the wretched country that I hate.  Though I love this country with my whole heart, my heart breaks for it every single day. 

So often I find myself coming back to Habakkuk’s complaint in Habakkuk 1.  “How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?  Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?  Why do you make me look at injustice?  Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?  Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.  Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.  The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.” 

While I so often pray this complaint, I also find myself holding onto the promise God made Habakkuk.  “Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.”  This promise is what helps me get through the horrors that are a part of every day life here.  When I feel helpless because of the things I am confronted with, God is going to become the strength in the midst of my weakness.  I don’t have to know what to do or what to say in every situation; I just have to rely on God’s strength.  I truly believe that God will move Haiti’s mountains for Him.  As I hold on to His promise, I will do my part in working towards the day that I am utterly amazed.