Much Madness is Divinest Sense

“What are your plans after college?”  This seems to be the dreaded question for most people my age right now.  The quicker graduation approaches, the more often you hear this question.  Unlike a lot of people who are dreading this next step after college, I am counting down the days!  Two weeks after graduation I will be heading down to Haiti to start my long-term track there.  I will be going through Northwest Haiti Christian Mission (the same organization I have previously gone with).  The next step for me in their long-term missionary candidacy is to complete a “long” internship, which will be from the end of May to just before Thanksgiving.  After this internship, I will be able to spend some time with family, evaluate where exactly I see myself in Haiti, and start fundraising for the long-run. 

Since my first trip to Haiti in 2009, I have known that God had more in store for me there.  I just did not know exactly what that meant (and I still cannot fathom the depths of His plans for me there!).  However, He did give a little guidance after my three-month internship with Northwest (in 2012).  During the semester after this, a professor encouraged me to write one of my research papers on sustainable healthcare in Haiti.  This opened a huge door for me.  I had always loved health, but I thought that it would not be a part of my life after I felt God was steering me away from the medical school track.  However, sustainable healthcare combined business and health.  Throughout writing this research paper, I fell in love with the concept of sustainable healthcare.  I was able to add public health to my degree, and I have spent a lot of the last two years continuing this research.  God has opened so many doors for me in this area from meeting different contacts to attending the global medical mission conference this past November. 

During my trip to Haiti last summer, I was able to talk to some of Northwest’s leadership about my future in Haiti.  Little did I know, they were planning a community health development project.  Northwest does a ministry called Neighbors Projects, where different churches in the United States are partnered with a community’s church in Haiti.  Northwest had been looking for ways to further develop these communities where they have churches, and one of the ways they were looking at was through public health.  God’s timing never ceases to amaze me, and I am so excited to partner with Northwest in this endeavor.  Community health development will be my focus this internship.  Health is not only a need in every community, but it also opens a door for a way of evangelism.  I cannot wait to see how God combines community health and evangelism during this internship.  I anticipate this internship being a lot of learning, and hopefully a bit of doing.  I cannot wait to see how God stretches me, teaches me, and uses me. 

While I am so excited about working towards my calling in Haiti, this is something very different than what I am “expected” to do.  I recently had a professor tell my class that as graduating business students from Georgetown College, we would be the ones making the most money.  I am expected to go from here and either continue my education or go into the workforce and start working my way up a company.  I would not mind doing this; however, I would rather do what God has called me to do, even if that is often the unexpected.  A line from one of Emily Dickenson’s poems says “Much madness is divinest sense.”  I love this quote because I see this in my life.  To most, being 22 years old and moving to a third world country seems like “much madness”.  However, that madness is “divinest sense,” or what God has planned for me.  During one of our recent sermons about faith, my pastor said “Faith sees what reason cannot – faith goes beyond reason.”  There are so many examples of this in the Bible: Noah building an arc, Moses being put in the river, the paralytic’s friends cutting a hole in the roof to lower their friend to see Jesus.  None of these (and so many others) seemed reasonable.  However, through the faith of these people doing the unreasonable, God’s plan was done.

Sometimes I find it hard when people tell me I should be getting a master’s degree, finding a job, worrying about retirement, or paying off students loans instead of going to Haiti.  For a moment, comments like these make me question what I am doing.  However, God is faithful, and He has encouraged me in so many ways.  I spent this past week in Tampa with my best friend for spring break.  The first night there, we were driving around to see what was around our hotel.  Wouldn’t you know, there was a Haitian restaurant pretty close to it!  We went for lunch one day and were able to not only enjoy a yummy Haitian meal, but also talk to some of the Haitian people who owned and visited the restaurant.  We were the only Americans in the place, so I felt a bit like we were in Haiti!  Later in the week, we went to a bakery for breakfast.  As we were walking in, I noticed a Haitian flag on the door.  The owner was from Haiti, and had a little Haiti store inside!  Little things like these remind me that as unconventional as it may be, going to Haiti is what I am supposed to do. 

If you are interested in supporting my journey in Haiti, please contact me at tckarenbauer@gmail.com.  I will also be selling these t-shirts for $15 as a fundraiser!  If you would like one, let me know! They say "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" and "Haiti 2015"

In closing, I ask for your prayers as I prepare to finish school and head to Haiti.  There is a lot that needs done in a little amount of time!  I also ask for prayers of peace for both my family and myself.  Though we have known this day was coming, it will still be hard to saying goodbye.

Trip Number 5

Unfortunately, due to a couple extremes (getting sick and then preparing for a trip to the other side of the world) this blog has not been on the top of my to do list.  However, the sickness gave me more time to reflect, and the 16 and 9 hour flight gave me time to type.. so here I am!

On June 5^th, 5 Blue Grass students, 1 recent Blue Grass graduate, my dad, Cameron (my best friend) and myself all left for Haiti.  This marks my 5^th trip to Haiti, but it was the first trip for 4 of the students!  I knew God had big plans for this trip before we even left.  He opened so many doors in the planning process from raising money, to getting necessary approvals, to raising donations, to still providing when one of the students was rejected for a passport.  His hand was evident is so many ways. 

Boy did HE have plans for this trip.  Both this team and the trip were amazing.  Not only was the team the hands and feet of Jesus, but they were also the voice of truth in a country that so desperately needs the truth.  This team went beyond just serving the people, and truly exemplified Christ through ministering to the people.  As a leader, I loved watching them overcoming the culture shock and stepping into what really needed to be done: spreading the Word of God. 

This change was most evident to me our fourth day in Haiti when we went to La Baie.  Saint-Louis-du-Nord, where the main campus is stationed, is in the northwest zone of Haiti.  The northwest zone is the poorest zone in Haiti, which is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.  By our standards, Saint-Louis is the definition of poverty.  However, by La Baie standards, Saint-Louis is a mansion.  The drive to La Baie is about 2 hours, and on the way you go from lush tropical scenery to desert scenery.  Then you get to La Baie, and it looks like the place they film on all those sad tv commercials.  La Baie is where grass huts are a reality.  La Baie is where it is rare to see a child who is not malnourished.  La Baie is where the students fell in love with Haiti. 

Northwest has a campus at La Baie that houses about 40 orphan boys.  We spent time with them, and everyone on the team thoroughly enjoyed getting attached to them.  They are such fun kids to be around.  However, after spending the morning and early afternoon with them, our day was just getting started.  Last year, we did a hut to hut ministry at La Baie.  We hiked up in the mountains where the poverty keeps getting worse even when you think it cannot get any worse.  The memories of the families we met on this journey have stuck with last year’s team every since.  About a month before we left, God told me had more in store for this year’s trip to La Baie.  Not only did he want us to hike back up this mountain for more hut to huts, but he wanted us to bring groceries with us as part of our ministry.  Through money from a donation taken up at school, we purchased 6 bags of groceries at the market.  (This was also an experience for the team as the market makes our farmer’s market look like paradise).  I love doing this because while we will eventually use the groceries to bless families, by purchasing them at the market, we are putting back into the local economy. 

We started up the mountain at the hottest part of the day carrying these extremely heavy bags (filled with everything: flour, sugar, noodles, beans, rice, cabbage, carrots, potatoes, bleach, etc.).  Boy was it exhausting, but the reward was incredible.  We were able to reconnect with some of the families we had previously met, and bring a little relief for them in Jesus’s name.  Not only were we able to tell them God sent us with groceries for them, but at each house a different student shared the gospel with these families and prayed over them.  THAT is what we went to Haiti for. 

While each of the 6 families we were able to share with were special, there were two that stuck out: a high and a low.  The high was a house we had visited last year.  Last year they asked us to pray over their sick daughter that she would get better and be able to go to school.  Not only did this family report that their daughter was healthy, but she was also attending school in Port-au-Prince.  What an answered prayer!  While God had said yes to that prayer, sometimes He says no.  Last year we visited a house where the mother was very sick.  She was laying in the middle of the floor in misery.  We prayed over her and begged God to heal her.  However, when God took us to that house this year, the father informed us she had passed away.  I’m not sure why this was and still is so hard for me to understand.  One of the students shared an amazing devotion about overcoming hardships through Christ.  There was not a dry eye there.  I’m not sure how to put in words the emotions that were felt in that house.  While the sadness was overwhelming, from the group and the family; God’s presence was there.  He sent us back to that house for a reason, and I pray we were a sliver of comfort in what I am sure has been one of the hardest years for them. 

We finished that day doing two Vacation Bible Schools: one for the neighborhood where we had 185 kids, and one for the orphan boys.  Each was uniquely special.  While this was a crazy busy day, this is the day that I watched the team become missionaries: people striving to serve God by spreading the gospel.  That was the most rewarding thing of the trip for me. 

The other rewarding part of my trip came from the group that holds a special place in my heart: the bracelet boys.  This is the group that has tugged at my heart since my first trip before they were even the bracelet boys.  This past year God has put a ministry in my heart to create prayer warriors for these boys.  This ministry is currently in the works, and I would love to share more about it with you if you are interested!  Part of this ministry involved getting to know each of the bracelet boys even more than I already did.  It meant sitting down with each one individually and finding out their personal stories.  Wow.  While I knew most of these boys already, I did not know many of their stories.  I did not how each one got to the place they are at today, and boy did it make me even more passionate about this ministry.  These boys have been through so much from parents dying to giving up food in order to go to school.  Their struggles are something I will never be able to relate to; however, hearing them has made me appreciate these boys even more. 

Not only did I get to sit down with each of these boys, but we also had a group Bible study with them.  One of the boys on the team led it, and did an amazing job.  I have never seen the boys so attentive and receptive.  At the end of the Bible study the team split up and each bracelet boy was prayed over individually.  While I know this is something no one on the team will ever forget, I also believe these boys will never forget that moment either.  God was moving in that chapel.

This trip had serving in it.  From getting on our hands and knees to wash the feet of the elderly, to standing up for the special needs kids who are so looked down upon, to loving children all around the northwest zone, the team served the Haitian people and therefore served God everyday.  This trip had teaching in it.  From the grocery ministry to bible study with the bracelet boys, to sharing the gospel at the jail, to sharing with the brothel ministry, this team taught about Jesus’s sacrifice.  However, the biggest part of this trip was prayer.  There is always a reason to pray, and this team took advantage of that.  We prayed over the bracelet boys.  We prayed over numerous people with chikungunya.  We prayed over the people we encountered in the jail and then went outside to pray for the corruption of the jail system.  We prayed for each other.  We prayed for different families.  I cannot think of anything better we could have done.  It was in these moments, in these prayer circles, in these hands that were laid on people where I saw the team’s heart break for Haiti and for the Haitian people. 

As a leader, this was a rewarding and an encouraging trip for me.  God used this team, and I truly believe He will continue to use this team both back home and maybe in Haiti again one day.  On a personal level, this trip was such a blessing for me.  I was able to reconnect and grow closer with my Haitian friends.  I was able to pray for the safety and protection of my Haitian family.  I was able to discuss my future in Haiti with Northwest staff. 

On a closing note, I ask for prayers in two major areas.  The first is prayer for me.  I have a lot of big decisions to make these next few months about my future.  While I know God will lead me in the right direction, I can’t help but be a little nervous about it all.  The second, and biggest prayer request, is for the Haitian people.  Chikungunya is taking over Haiti.  Every day I saw more and more of my friends come down with it.  While this disease is rarely deadly, it is absolutely miserable.  I was miserable, and I was in the States for half of this sickness.  I ask that you pray for the people who are coming down with it.  The people who have high fevers in the already hot climate.  The people who still have to hike up and down mountains with the severe joint pain.  The people who do not know what cold beverages are.  The people who do not have access to Tylenol.  Pray for the people who are suffering.  

Trip Number Four

Trying to compact an entire trip into one blog is going to be difficult, but here is my attempt! Overall the trip was wonderful.  I am so excited that Blue Grass Baptist School is now involved with Northwest Haiti Christian Mission.  It was amazing to see what God did both in the student’s lives and in the Haitian’s lives through them.  My prayer is that this relationship between the school and the mission continues.  I know everyone on the trip had their lives changed and were impacted in different ways.  They were all stretched out of their comfort zone, but they did everything they were asked without complaining.  I was so proud and impressed with the team. 

The trip was full of both good and hard moments like every trip.  I am going to write about a couple of them, and then write about what God did in my life the last day we were there. 

I absolutely loved being able to reconnect with all of my friends in Haiti.  That was one the highlights of the trip.  The bracelet bandits made me feel like a rock star the first day because they all started clapping and chanting my name.  I love those boys so much, and I am so proud of the young men they are becoming.  They have all grown so much, and I am so excited to see what God has in store for their futures.  We were able to do a Bible Study with them one day, and I was very impressed with how well they listened and paid attention.  It really meant a lot to me to be able to share and pray with these boys.  I also am so thankful we had the opportunity to spend time with Kenzie.  We were able to visit where he is now living and pray with the family who has taken him in.  Please continue to pray for him as he is still dealing with the loss of his mother.

All of this was wonderful, but my favorite part of the trip was watching Mark fall in love with Haiti.  As he wrote on the team blog (www.bgbsmissions.blogspot.com) , “it’s in the Karenbauer genes.”  Mark experienced a lot of new things from dancing with the elderly to spoon feeding special needs children who could not feed themselves.  He loved everyone with a true servants heart, and I could not be more proud to call him my brother.  One moment that will stay in my heart was one of the first days we were there.  I was downstairs playing with one of the special needs boys, Markenly.  Mark came downstairs and Markenly’s face completely lit up.  He jumped out of my arms and ran to Mark while yelling his name.  It was at that moment when I saw the impact my baby brother was having on the people I love.  What a special moment. 

Being in a third world county is not always fun and games.  There are hard moments that you do not always wish to remember.  One of those moments happened at House of Hope.  We did our VBS and all the team members started playing with different kids.  I started going in some of the backrooms because there are usually babies in them.  I went in one, and the mom motioned me over to show me her baby.  This baby was so malnourished that its swollen skin had started splitting open.  I have seen plenty of children who are malnourished, but never one to this extreme.  I cannot imagine being that mother.  You could see on her face that she was experiencing her baby’s pain.  I know I will probably never see them again in this lifetime, but I will never forget that precious angel.

Another hard moment came when I was reconnected with one of my friends from last summer.  Jennica was a little girl who lived near the mission.  Last summer she was one of the happiest little girls ever.  She always had the biggest smile on her face, and it was one of the prettiest smiles.  When I saw Jennica this week, she did not have a smile on her face.  I asked her what was wrong and she said her teeth hurt.  Then she showed me.  Jennica’s teeth are rotting out.  This girl who’s gorgeous smile brought me so much joy last summer, is now suffering.  I did not know what to say, and I still do not really know what to say about it.  It always breaks my heart when I see suffering, but it is so much harder when it is someone you know. 

The hard times broke my heart, but the good things made being in Haiti worth it.  The whole week I was so glad I had gone.  However, I felt a little discouraged.  I knew I was there mainly to help to team, but I had done everything we had done.  I had been to Tortuga, house of hope, the bay, and everywhere else.  There were so many new experiences for the team, but I was not experiencing anything drastically new.  The night before our last day, I began praying that God would do something radical.  I prayed that He would give me an experience that would give me some reassurance as for my call to Haiti.

Boy does God answer prayers.  The next day we left for Ansefalour, the voodoo capital.  In the blog I wrote before I left, I wrote about my first trip to Ansefalour.  It was the place where God showed me He had more in store for me in Haiti.  Well we got to Ansefalour and started our day out with a VBS.  It was a bit disheartening for the group because one of the boys at our VBS was removed and beaten because he tried to steal a granola bar.  After VBS, the group was playing with the kids at the ocean.  Cameron and I went to see if I could find the baby from last summer.  Last summer, my mom went around this community doing medical hut to huts.  We stopped at this one house and asked if they had any medical needs.  The man said his wife had had a baby five hours prior.  My mom was able to check the baby and mother out.  For the rest of the summer, I visited this family every time I was in Ansefalour.  During one of these visits they asked me to be this precious babies godmother.  I have to admit; I was a bit nervous going back to the house.  The baby had been sick when I last saw him.  I was so scared something had happened to him, or the family had moved, or they had forgotten me.  It had been an entire year since I had last been there.  We got to the house and my precious godson, Richardson, was a healthy (and chunky) thirteen month old!  I asked if they remembered me, and the dad said, “of course, you are my son’s godmother!”  It was so good to check on them and pray for them.  The dad told me he always knew when I was not in Haiti because I do not come visit them.  He also wanted to make sure I knew they were Christians, which is such an encouragement considering they live in the voodoo capital.  The visit was such a blessing and encouragement to me.

Next we went to the voodoo monument that claims the city of Ansefalour for voodoo.  It is quite a hike, but an experience for everyone.  I have done this hike a lot, so I did not expect to get anything different from it.  I figured we would hike up there, take some pictures, I would explain the story of the monument, and then we would pray over it.  However, on the way up I had some children follow me.  This was not unusual, and it was not unusual that the children were asking for food.  I told them I could not give them anything and then they started talking really fast in creole.  It was too much and too fast for me to understand, so I asked my translator.  She told me they were calling on the spirits and putting a voodoo curse on me because I would not give them food.  While this seems a bit silly, it was a real eye opening experience for me.  When we do VBS in Ansefalour, and the children pay attention and know all the songs, it is so easy to believe that they believe what we are talking about.  However, hearing these children calling to the spirits really opened my eyes to the fact that voodoo has such a power over this city, even over the children.  There is so much work to be done in Ansefalour still.

At this point, God had already done radical things in my life, but He was not done.  Next we went to the voodoo temple, the place that houses the doll that the people worship.  I have been to the temple between 10 and 15 times, and the only time I was ever allowed inside was my very first trip.  Our translator knew the person at the door, and he let our group in.  For the first time since God had used this place to turn my world upside down, I went back inside.  I cannot accurately describe the inside of the temple.  It is a place of darkness and pure evil.  There are sick people laying in back corners, people praying, people crying, and people worshipping.  The people’s eyes are dull and almost lifeless.  There is alcohol, candles, and incense all over the place.  The smells are overwhelming, but the atmosphere makes it the worst place I have ever been in.  Even though I know God is always with me, the evil is so prevalent there that it is hard to feel Him.  I feel almost engulfed and choked by this evil.  The doll, Saint Anne, is upstairs in a glass case.  People sit in pews in this room and fervently pray to her.  Their dedication breaks my heart.  It breaks my heart because I know what they are putting their hope into cannot help them. 

I think the temple shook everyone on the team up a little.  I am thankful that they had the opportunity to see it though because it shows them what we truly are up against.  Voodoo does have a power over people, and we are called to break that power by spreading God’s word.  We are called to be His lights in the midst of darkness.  I truly believe that He did more than just something radical in my life: He did something radical in everyone’s lives. 

It was a hard day, but God blessed me afterwards.  I was able to take the group to Jim’s and Niason’s house.  We spent time with the family, and prayed over them.  By the end of the prayer, I was sobbing as was their family.  I love those children more than anything, and I am so thankful God put them in my life.  Spending time at their house was such an amazing experience because it showed me that I meant as much to them as they do me.  They have not had an easy life, and it breaks my heart to see the conditions they live in.  However, I am so encouraged by their smiles and joy.  They are some of the happiest people I have ever met. 

Saying goodbye to the family, to my bracelet boys, and my brother was extremely difficult.  I miss them all so much already.  My heart hurts for Haiti.  I know God has a plan for me in Haiti, but the waiting now is hard.  There is so much to do, so many people to love, I just wish I could be there already. 

This is not the end of me in Haiti, and I pray it is just the beginning of Blue Grass in Haiti.  

Going Back Home

Three days.  Three days until I leave for Haiti, the country I have grown to love, cherish, and consider my own home.  I couldn’t be more excited! This will be my fourth trip to Haiti, and, like every trip, it will be different from any of my previous trips.  This year I will be co-leading a team along with my father!  The team includes five high school students from Blue Grass Baptist School, one of the student’s dad, my best friend, and of course me and my father.  God has definitely had His hand in this one.  It has been more than a struggle at times.  Plus helping plan a mission trip from the other side of the world was a task.  However, the team was very patient, and God was very good.  Everything is set for us to go!  I am so excited for these high school students to have the same opportunity I had in high school.  This trip changed my life, and I can only pray that it will change theirs. 

Four years ago I would never have imagined myself in this position.  When I was preparing for this first trip to Haiti, I was not excited at all.  I did not want to go, and I had no idea why I had signed up for the trip (good thing God knew what He was doing!) The beginning of my two-week trip was miserable.  I hated it.  The beginning of the second week I decided it was bearable, and I was glad I had gone.  However, I was positive I would never do anything like that again.  During the middle of the second week we went to Ansefalour, the voodoo capital, and my life turned upside down.  I do not have accurate words to describe what I saw in the voodoo temple, other than false hope.  This false hope completely broke me.  After leaving the temple, I knew without a shadow of doubt that God had more for me in Haiti, and I was ready for it.  (After returning from Ansefalour, I met James.. God just adding to my desire to return).  Six months after we returned home, the earthquake hit.  I felt a piece of me break with every video, news report, or story I saw.  I had already been planning on returning the next summer, but this only added to my desire.  Six months after the earthquake, I was able to share my Haiti experience with my church.  I loved every minute of this two-week trip, however, I felt as if it were not long enough.  Last summer I returned for a three-month internship with the mission.  The past posts on this blog are about my experiences during this internship.  I learned so much and became so much more aware of my call to Haiti.

I cannot wait to pursue that call during this trip.  Though it will be difficult because it will not be as long as my last trip, I have many reasons to be extremely excited for this trip.  The first reason is the team!  God has orchestrated an amazing team.  I am so excited to work with them, but I am more excited because this will be the first out of country mission trip for most of them.  I have no doubt that they will go through a major culture shock; I know I did my first trip.  However, I also know God is going to change them in so many ways, and I cannot wait to see how! 

The second, and maybe selfishly the main reason I am excited is because of Mark! My own little brother is one of the team members.  I have dreamed of the day I would get to share Haiti with him, and it is finally here!  Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.  After four years of telling him everything I could about this country, I finally get to watch my brother love on the people I love so dearly.  I am so proud of the man he is becoming, and I know this trip is only going to add to it.  Mark has a huge heart, and I know he is going to use it there in so many ways.

There are many other reasons I am excited.  I cannot wait to see my Haitian brother, Kenzie.  It will be amazing for him to meet Mark.  I cannot wait to reconnect with all the friends I have made.  I cannot wait to love on the people.  I cannot wait to see all of the changes at the mission.  This is going to be an amazing trip.  I know God has big things in store it.  I cannot wait to see how he changes both the group and me. 

During the trip, I do not think I will be updating this blog.  However, if you are interested in what we are doing, the group will be updating a blog at www.bgbsmissions.blogspot.com. I encourage you to check it out!  I cannot say how often we will have internet, but we will try to update it whenever we can.